I wear women’s yoga pants to the gym. I also wear them at home much of the time.
They’re comfortable, yes. But that’s not the real reason I wear them. I wear them because it feels like an honest expression of who I am.
Michael Meets Michelle
About six years ago, after another failed relationship, several hours of therapy, and many sleepless nights, I had a realization I could no longer repress.
I am genderfluid.
If you’re not familiar with that term, it just means that I sometimes move through the world as a typical male, Michael. Other times, I show up in a more feminine way, as Michelle. She’s the femme part of me who’s always been here, even when I didn’t yet have the understanding, language, or courage to give her a name and a voice in my life.
Up to that point, I had lived my life exclusively as a male, trying to fit into the cultural script for how a man is supposed to show up in the world. I knew how to play that role. Sort of. I could pass the tests. Sort of. But it never quite fit. It never felt true.
A male wearing yoga pants in public may not seem like a big deal. For me, it is a big deal. For me, it’s a daily act of deep alignment — a small but meaningful way to express more of my authentic self in a world that’s constantly telling me to be someone else.
To be nobody-but-yourself — in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else — means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. — E.E. Cummings
You learned how to be accepted — not how to be yourself.
Many people have their own version of my Michelle story, even if it looks different on the surface.
- Maybe it’s a career that makes sense on paper but leaves you feeling empty.
- Maybe it’s a relationship that’s starting to feel restrictive.
- Maybe it’s a creative voice you’ve spent years silencing.
- Maybe it’s simply the feeling that somewhere along the way, you lost touch with the truest part of yourself.
We’re taught how to be acceptable. We’re rarely taught how to be ourselves.
So we adapt. We learn what earns approval, safety, success, and belonging. We become who we think we need to be. And over time, that version of us can start to feel like who we really are.
Until the day it doesn’t.
That realization changed my life. It led me through years of reading, writing, self-examination, and a growing understanding of something I now believe without question.
Many of the struggles we face aren’t signs that something is wrong with us. Instead, they’re often a signal that something is out of alignment. When we lose touch with ourselves, we don’t just lose clarity. We also develop habits and routines that help us cope with a life that no longer feels like our own.
- We distract ourselves.
- We numb ourselves.
- We stay busy.
- We chase approval.
A lot of us respond by trying harder.
- Better habits.
- More self-discipline.
- More productivity.
- More optimizing.
- More self-improvement.
Those are all good things, but lasting change begins somewhere deeper. It begins with honesty. The willingness to plunge the depths of your soul and find the truth. Not the truth about what you should do next, but the truth about who you are beneath the roles, expectations, and adaptations you’ve accumulated throughout your life.
Today, I work one-on-one with people who feel that disconnect in their own lives. Together, we uncover the patterns they’re living inside of, reconnect with who they truly are, and create meaningful change that reflects that truth.
You became who you needed to be. Now it’s time to discover who you truly are. When those two finally align, seemingly by magic, things start falling into place.